Disastrous Wedding
by Selaphia
Summary: Natsu was chosen as the priest for Levy and Gajeel's wedding but something is messing with the ceremony. Will he be able to make it through? -He found the place and began to read. "We are gathered here to hogtie this poor idiot—"- NaLu/GaLe


**Bonjour, mes amis! Ca va aujourd'hui? Alors, moi, ca va bien!**

**Disclaimer! I own nothing! Neither Fairy Tail or Xanth**

* * *

Haaaaaahhh…today was the day of Gajeel and Levy's wedding. Although Natsu should be joyous for his friends' wedding, he felt like something was going to go wrong with it somehow. It's not because he wasn't the best man, rather it was because he's the king of Fiore, and he was asked by Levy and reluctantly, Gajeel, to be the priest for their joyous union for life. He was rather scared that he might mess up reading the book, since his reading vocabulary was so horrible that your-eyes-will-bleed-if-you-saw-him-write-or-read as how his beloved wife, Queen Lucy Dragneel puts it. His oh-so-beloved wife harshly drilled reading lessons into his head for weeks for this day.

"Well, there's no use worrying for things that haven't happened yet." Natsu mumbled.

"What hasn't happen yet?" Lucy inquired, suddenly appearing out of nowhere in front of his face.

"HOLY CR-!" but Natsu covered his mouth before he could utter another word that would anger Lucy.

"You scared me" was what Natsu would say, but that would make him sound like a sissy. "Are you women finished with fussing over Levy already?" Natsu asked as he looked at his wife's attire. She was wearing a strapless ivory gown and a low neckline with pearled designs swirling the hemline and the tight-fitted dress accentuated her voluptuous curves more than it had to. Hm, she looked so beautiful to Natsu that he was tempted to just ravish her there and now. But no. He had to restrain himself for the sake of Levy and Gajeel.

"Well, it IS Levy's big day, of course we had to put an extra amount of effort to make her be the spotlight today." She went up to him, fixing his crooked tie. Although Natsu was the priest for the ceremony, he didn't want to wear those blasted robes that were so heavy and uncomfortable. He finally knows how Gray feels when he has to take off those clothes.

So instead, he opted for a tuxedo, similar to those of butlers. But Lucy had to say, he looked really sexy, with his broad shoulders and his biceps that anyone with blind eyes could see. (No offense to blind people.)

Lucy couldn't resist giving him a peck on the lips, since she knows how hard Natsu had worked for this day.

"Ready dear? I'm pretty sure Gajeel can't wait to kidnap Levy for their honeymoon, let's go." And so she proceeded to drag Natsu out to Magnolia's church.

* * *

Levy walked through the aisle, holding on to Makarov's arm. Since Makarov was like a father to everyone, he was glad to be chosen as the man to hand her over to Gajeel. And poor him, he was trying so hard not to cry, probably perhaps his kids were growing up too fast, or he was getting too old.

Nonetheless, behind Levy trooped two cherubs, a tiny girl and boy. The girl had green hair whilst the boy had white—the 5-year-old twins that Fried and Mirajane generated. They certainly looked cute as they carried the trailing end of the bride's long train.

Natsu had wondered if these angelic tots had manifested their magic talents yet. Most talents were in between, showing up in the course of childhood, some major, some minor. Eh, we'll see.

Slowly, Levy stepped forward to the altar, in the renewed hush of expectation. Gray, the best man, nodded to Natsu. It was time for the hid to read the service, finally tying the knot.

Natsu opened the book with trembling fingers. Now he was glad that Lucy had drilled him well in reading: he had the text to lean on, so that his blank mind couldn't betray him. All he had to do was read the words and follow the directions and everything would be all right. He knew that Gajeel really did want to marry Levy; it was just the ceremony that put him off, as it did all men. Weddings were for women and their mothers. Natsu would navigate this additional Kingly chore and doubtless be better off for the experience. But his knees still felt like limp noodles. Why did experience have to be so difficult?

He found the place and began to read. "We are gathered here to hogtie this poor idiot—"

There was a stir in the audience. The weeping matrons paused in mid-tear, while males of every type smirked. Natsu blinked. Had he read that right? Yes, there it was, printed quite clearly. He might have trouble spelling, but he could read well enough. "To this conniving wench—"

The men sniggered. A snake-like hair from Lucy to the right of him stuck its head out over and hissed. Something was definitely wrong.

"But it says right here," Natsu protested, tapping the book with one forefinger. "The tide and broom—"

Now Mirajane spoke. "Shirley!" she said.

One of the children jumped. It was the little girl, Mirajane's daughter.

"Did you change the print?" Mirajane demanded.

Now Natsu caught on. The child's talent—changing printed text! No wonder the service was fouled up!

"Shirley, put the text back the way it was," Mirajane said severely.

"Awww," the child said, exactly the way pouting kids do.

Natsu lifted the book. But now there was an eye in the middle of the page. It winked at him. "What now?" he asked.

"Eh?" Gajeel asked. An ear sprouted beside the eye.

"Ren!" Mirajane snapped, and the little boy jumped. "Stop that right now!"

"Awww." But the eye and ear shrank and disappeared, leaving the book clear. Now Natsu knew the nature and talent to the other twin.

He read the text carefully before reading it aloud. It was titled _A Manual of Simple Burial._ He frowned at Shirley, and the print reverted to the proper text: _A Manual of Sample Wedding Services._

This time he got most of the way throughout the service without disruption, ignoring ears and noses that sprouted from unlikely surfaces. At one point an entire face appeared on the sun-ball, but no one else was looking at it, so there was no disturbance.

"Do you, Gajeel Redfox," he concluded, "take this sweet, adorable script mage to be your—" He hesitated, for the text now read _ball and chain._ Some interpolation was necessary. "Your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, to squeeze till she—uh, in health and sickness, for the few measly years you hang on before you croak—uh, until you both become rotten zombies—uh, until death do you part?" He was losing track of the real text.

Gajeel considered. "Well there are some positive and negative aspects—"

Gray elbowed him. "Stick to the format," he muttered.

Gajeel looked rebellious, but finally got it out. "Fine."

Natsu turned to Levy. "And do you, you petrifying creature, take this gnarled old gnome—uh—" The mischievous text had caught him again. A mage in the audience guffawed. "Take Gajeel Redfox—"

"I do!" she said.

Natsu checked his text. Close enough, he decided. "Uh, the manacles—" Oh no!

Gravely, Gray brought forth the ring. An eye opened on its edge. Gray frowned at Ren, and the eye disappeared. He gave the ring to Gajeel.

Gajeel fumbled it onto Levy's finger. Naturally he got the wrong finger, but she corrected him gently.

Natsu returned to the manual. "I now pronounce you gnome and monst—uh, by the authority vested in me as King of Thieves—uh, the King of Fiore, I now pronounce you Man and Wife." Feeling weak with relief at having gotten this far through despite the treacherous text, Natsu read the final words. "You may now miss the bride." There was the laughter again. "Uh, watch the tides." There was water splashing in the background. "Uh—"

Levy took hold of Gajeel, threw back her veil, and kissed him soundly. There was applause from the audience, and a mournful hoot from the distance. Pantherlily was signaling its sorrow over Gajeel's loss of innocence.

Mirajane was furious. "When I catch you, Ren and Shirley—" But the little imps were already beating a retreat.

* * *

Natsu sank deeply onto his huge king-sized bed that he shared with Lucy. Although the ceremony was a failure, the reception made up for it, except when Gajeel went up to sing for Levy. Ooh, Natsu's ears still hurt just thinking about the memory. He felt something sank onto his bed beside him, it was Lucy, carrying their 3-month old son.

"Had a rough day huh, darling." Lucy smiled cheekily. Natsu sank his head deeper into the sheets, not wanting to think about the disastrous ceremony, mumbling something onto the bed.

But he just pushed himself up, looking to Lucy and giving her a kiss while stealing Igneel, their child, from her.

"Hup! Here we go, lil dude, your daddy and you is going to have some boy time while your momma do her little thing taking an hour in the bathroom, alright?" Natsu grinned to Igneel.

Lucy smacked his arm. "Hey! I do not take an hour in there!" Natsu just gave her a dubious look.

She blushed. "Okay fine, maybe I do, but just don't do anything weird to our child while I'm only 20 feet away, okay?" With that, she sauntered over to the master bathroom, connected to their huge chambers. But a moment later, she poked out her head.

"Honey? I forgot to tell you but you're gonna have to do Gray and Juvia's wedding along with Erza and Jellal too!" and she slammed the bathroom door shut, leaving Natsu with a pale, ghost-like expression, not wanting to go through that experience again.


End file.
